This is perhaps the junkiest bike we've ever personally purchased, but at $60, we couldn't resist the urge to dip our toe into the warm, seductive, hipsterized, fixated waters of PBR-swamped fixed-gear, umm ... fixedness. The sheer junkiness of this particualr contraption we acquired is hard to beat.
Gaze in awed wonderment:
paintjobs. But why are the lugs on this one painted a different color than the tubes? Maybe a closer look, say, at the lugs in the brake mounting area of the fork will give us a better...
Well! That is sort of a quantum genius of junkiness, which in practice has clearly only improved with age. There's no patina quite like the patina of faded, gouged-up, peeling, fake woodgrain plastic shelf paper.
Next we go to the hubs...
In fact, we're not really sure if there actually is a conventional saddle underneath all that tape. Maybe it's duct tape all the way down? Perhaps we'll save it as a self-gifted Xmas present and carefully unravel it under the Yule tree on Xmas morn'. Maybe there's a nice, pristine, honey-leather Brooks B17 underneath all that tape. (We're not counting on it.) Super-Triple bonus points on the creator of this nightmare gizmo velocipede for putting the fake woodgrain plastic shelf paper on the seatpost as well. Bravely done!
Also scrounged from the Big Box o' Bicycle Junk, the ancient Diacompe sidepull brake (second picture, above) has been disassembled, de-crud-ified, buffed out (sorta), then reassembled and properly lubed and we can assure you, there are few finer moments on Earth than that magical 40 minutes spent massaging a petrified 40-year old sidepull back to life. (You might just want to trust us on this.) Anyway, the brake works fine and the bike can now be stopped without first abruptly hitting a tree, a curb or mini-mart. We consider this a worthwhile upgrade.
For the benefit of you fixie aficionados who
In a nutshell, this bike is completely retarded.
And we love it.